Welcome

This blog is for people who believe they suffer from compulsive lying. There are many web resources and support forums for those who are dealing with liars, and you are welcome here as well. However, there is a sad dearth of resources and support for liars who want to overcome the problem.

Nobody wants to be called a liar. Many cultures view liars as the worst of the worst, although interestingly not all cultures agree on what constitutes "lying". Deception is a betrayal of society and is only pardoned if the society is worth betraying (for example, lying to conceal Jews in Nazi Germany).

Then there are "little lies" which are often acceptable. In fact, society sanctions a great deal of lying and even encourages it but few people will call it that. Liars may find that they receive more positive feedback and benefit from lying. The conflicting messages can make it extremely difficult to overcome this problem. It is hard to find support. If you admit to being a compulsive liar, you may lose your family and friends. Of course, if you don't admit to it you will often end up there anyway. But you may think you can control for that outcome by telling more lies, by "cleaning up", by covering your trail, and even by starting over with new friends and lovers. But where-ever you go, there you are, and the deep sense of shame will follow you.

Psychology recognizes the existence of "compulsive lying" but there is very little information regarding treatment. You have to be willing to trust someone, and trust is very difficult for a compulsive liar. Not only are we aware of our own lack of trustworthiness, but many times we lie because we don't trust others with our truths, our selves. How can we trust a therapist with what seems to be a moral problem? How can we be sure we're not just bad or permanently damaged in some way? What if we're just making more excuses and lying to ourselves?

I have come to believe that compulsive lying is the symptom of another underlying problem, and that underlying cause is not usually the fault of the liar. I am not going to excuse the behavior but quite frankly I'm tired of feeling bad about myself because that's getting me nowhere. If you feel the same then this blog is for you. If we're going to be proactive then we have to face everything, and that includes facing the fact that it's not all just a matter of "character". We have to explore other approaches and perspectives.

My ultimate goal is to trust: trust myself, trust others, trust the truth. This blog will be here in case another liar turns to the internet in desperation, looking for someone who understands their deepest shame, looking for help and hope.